Jul
31
2009

You have an extra month to live. I swear, this is the last time.

Feeling a little frayed?: That's ok. We've been jerked around a lot in the last year.
Feeling a little frayed?: That's ok. We've been jerked around a lot in the last year.Courtesy KinnicChick
Ok. The startup of the Large Hadron Collider, the biggest, fanciest machine ever built, the doomsday atom-smasher, the revealer, the secret-finder, the lens of God* has once again been delayed, this time from October to November.

The machine that will make sense of it all, or start an apocalyptic chain reaction in the matter of our planet, has a couple little helium leaks that need to be repaired. If I were the director of the project, I’d just get a couple interns to stick their fingers in the holes (or have them put their mouths over the leaks for hilarious squeaky interns), but the folks in Switzerland aren’t screwing around.

“We’re going to get it right this time! November? Maybe! Maybe later! Don’t push us, okay? Do you want us to blow up the world? We will, so help me, we will! I am so frustrated!” stated one scientist I just imagined.

So you’ve got one extra month, at least. What are you going to do with it? The possibilities are practically endless. Here are some suggestions:

  • Look at your muscles in a mirror
  • Oil your better muscles
  • See what sport fishing is all about
  • Go to Ikea and splurge. Buy all the wine racks
  • Arts and crafts
  • Watch True Lies with the sound off. Try to guess what the characters are thinking about
  • Google “Origami”
  • Pick one of your friends to be your enemy, but don’t tell them
  • Review your notes

BTW, if you’ve already forgotten what the LHC is, and what it’s supposed to do, check out some of our older posts on it here.

*When I enter Thunderdome, I want all of this to be my introduction. Especially “The Doomsday Atom-Smasher” part†

†Holla back, Mad Max enthusiasts! Who rules Bartertown?

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

curious's picture
curious says:

heheh. yes it is ridonculous that this thing keeps getting delayed, but the possible data gathered from it could be life changing-maybe life ending too? be patient, science takes time, otherwise observations won't be able to be recorded.

maybe it's all a big conspiracy and there really isn't a giant machine underneath a city in Swizterland! ah! then it'll be delayed indefinitely! no! we want cosmic-exploding action now! seriously, or we will become bored of you, LHC, and ignore you even if you do eventually launch in a few months, years, whichever.
because you weren't really built for scientific use, more for popular-media-trendyness usage-aka entertaining the people. thus the time limits and angry impatient cries of boredom!

hm...maybe we can make this into a tv show! "life at the LHC" minute by minute coverage of the giant machine that will end our very own lives!

posted on Sun, 08/09/2009 - 7:22pm

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