Jun
16
2007

Squirrel Assaults Neighborhood, Killed by Crutch. Only the beginning.

Well, the end of the world has started again, and it's happening in Germany (big surprise there - any country that shows so much affection for the fifth horseman, Hasslehoff, has to be tempting the apocalypse).
They are watching you: Watching and waiting, and their time has come (photo by ghat).
They are watching you: Watching and waiting, and their time has come (photo by ghat).

It has been reported that a mad squirrel attacked and injured three people in the town of Passau in southern Germany. The creature first ran into a house and "leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman," before latching onto her hand with its teeth. The horrified woman ran into the street, where she managed to shake the squirrel off. The squirrel then attacked a construction worker, biting him on the hand and arm before he could fight it off with a measuring pole. Its thirst for human blood not yet slaked, the tiny monster ran into a nearby garden, where it attacked a 72-year-old man. Though bitten on the hands, arms, and thigh, the pensioner still managed to then kill the squirrel with his own crutch. (A similar thing happened to me once, but the crutch only knocked me out).
A dangerous game.: We have let them get too close...(photo by sooz)
A dangerous game.: We have let them get too close...(photo by sooz)

As much as I would like to consider this an isolated incident, and just blame it on Germany, I'm afraid we could be in some serious trouble here:

Squirrels invade SoCal!

Spanky the drug-dealing squirrel attacks cops!

Who thought Florida was safe?

28 Squirrels Later

The San Jose Massacre

The list goes on and on, my friends. But this has to be the scariest thing I've read in my life.

Lock your doors and protect your nuts.
It's Mad Max from here on out.

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