Oct
22
2007

Online poker is perfectly safe. Except for the geeks.

Some harmless geeks: At play in their natural habitat. They only become aggressive to "norms" when online.  (photo courtesy of Benimoto on flickr.com)
Some harmless geeks: At play in their natural habitat. They only become aggressive to "norms" when online. (photo courtesy of Benimoto on flickr.com)
AbsolutePoker.com, a Costa Rica-based company owned by members of the Canadian Kahnawake Mohawk tribe, found itself in some hot water recently, when its supposedly secure system was hacked, allowing a particular player to see his or her opponents’ cards in high-stakes, no-limit Texas holdem tournaments.

Or AbsolutePoker.com would have been in hot water, if the perpetrator had been an actual criminal, instead of a “geek.”

Yes, in a recent statement to the press, an AbsolutePoker spokesman reassured players that the criminal party was “literally” just “a geek.”

This must have come as quite a relief to the holdem tournament’s other players. Even though the geek’s winnings are estimated between $400,000 and $700,000, it was no doubt reassuring to find out that they are cooler than he is, and could probably beat him up, if given the opportunity.

In their initial statement regarding the situation, AbsolutePoker denied the possibility of cheating, and chalked everything up to luck, claiming that there was “no evidence that [their] redundant and varying levels of game client security were compromised,” and, furthermore, that “it is impossible for any player or employee to see whole cards as was alleged.” This response was clearly made before they considered the possibility that the user in question may not have been a normal person, but could have been, in fact, a geek, and well versed in all sorts of nerdy stuff.

Much to the chagrin of Dungeons & Dragons merchandisers across the country, AbsolutePoker claims that none of the ill-gotten money was withdrawn from the cheating user’s accounts

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