May
12
2009

List of ways in which women are stronger than me grows longer

Yes, this is on the list too
Yes, this is on the list tooCourtesy tsweden
Check it out: it turns out that women have more powerful immune systems than men. (I include myself in the “men/boys” group.)

So, let’s see… if we’re arranging the list in terms of the order in which I’ve realized each one, then this new development falls at the end, right after “better resistance to sunburn” and “less likely to get testicular cancer.”

If the list is alphabetical (how nice and neat!), it goes between “more powerful backstroke” and “more powerful interpersonal skills.”

Despite my rabbit-killing-strength grip and my powerful stammer (each unlikely to be beaten by women as a whole), the bite of each item on the list burns like jalapeño scorpion stings.

It’s nice, then, that this new fact isn’t quite so painful to accept. See, I like getting sick. I want to get sick. In particular, I want to get the swine flu. My great-grandfather was beaten (i.e. killed) by the swine flu back in 1920 or so, and I’ve been aching for a rematch. Swine Flu vs. JGordon Round II: The Final Showdown: This Time it’s Personal: A Century-Old Family Feud Comes to Blows: To the Death!

Sure, I don’t actually want to die at all, but this disease needs to at least get a foothold in my system if we’re finally going to see who’s the bigger man. (Me, duh.)

If I were what we often call a “lady,” my powerful immune system would make the flu showdown less likely. So thank goodness that that’s not the case. My female body would be producing estrogen left and right, and that estrogen would be blocking the production of an enzyme called Caspase-12. Caspase-12, precious Caspase-12, is needed in my body, because it blocks my inflammatory processes. Inflammation is one of the body’s primary defenses against infection. Blood flow increases at the site of an injury or infection during inflammation, beginning the healing process and delivering structures that kill and absorb pathogens. And I don’t want that. I mean, if every time Evander Holyfield approached Mike Tyson’s boxing ring a flood of blood and plasma crushed Holyfield and washed him away, how would The Dynamite Kid ever have gotten the chance to prove who’s tougher? I want to let the swine flu into my ring, and then I want to bite its ear off and threaten to eat its children.

I’m leaving it up to my frail male body to arrange this fight.

Your Comments, Thoughts, Questions, Ideas

Roosevelt81's picture
Roosevelt81 says:

Having a stronger immunity system would be nice, but that won't help up your maximums on bench press and squats!

posted on Tue, 05/12/2009 - 5:35pm
maleman001's picture
maleman001 says:

I have weight training I'm getting there

posted on Sat, 05/23/2009 - 3:18pm
surprisesurprise's picture
surprisesurprise says:

I wonder what surprises tommorrow will bring.

posted on Sun, 05/24/2009 - 1:55pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

A stronger immune system is better, who cares about bench press and squats?

posted on Sun, 05/24/2009 - 1:59pm
keela palmer's picture
keela palmer says:

run like the wind girl

posted on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 12:34pm
Anonymous's picture
Anonymous says:

it is soo cool that we have a powerful immune system! it will take alot more than sickness wn! 2 bring girls do

posted on Fri, 06/12/2009 - 12:09pm

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