Future Friday: Evacuation via remote control!

I think the real control is a bit more compact than this.
I think the real control is a bit more compact than this.Courtesy Telstar Logistics
In the future, the bathroom will be in the same place, but you’ll go to it differently. If you know what I mean.

I mean that pooping will be different.

These days it seems like we barely have any control over the evacuation of our bowels. We wander around, just waiting for the most shameful, lizardy parts of our brain to tell us that the time has come, that we must be emptied or face humiliating, uncomfortable consequences. We live at the whim of our own digested foodstuff.

No more, says science. We control defecation, defecation does not control us! And so science has created a bionic, remote controlled sphincter.

Yes, the future is a bright place.

Also, um, it should be noted that the guy who now has the remote controlled sphincter had the surgery done because of the damage done to his body in a horrible motorcycle accident. As an alternative to a colostomy bag, he had an operation that allows him to control when he goes to the bathroom.

How the doctors did it is sort of awesome. They took a piece of muscle from above his knee and wrapped it around his sphincter. Then, they attached electrodes to the nerves that control the muscle’s contractions. When the guy presses a button on his cell phone-sized remote control, the muscle is activated (or deactivated?) and… viola, I guess. The remote controlled piece of muscle will have to be replaced every five years or so, but the guy is still pretty happy with the whole thing. Hopefully the device has a unique signal

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